Letter from President  Musharraf to President Bush

Ficticious Factocious

Dear George,

Salaam wale kum

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, THE COMPASSIONATE, THE MERCIFUL

What a difference can one day make in the life of an individual(?), or in the history of world for that matter, only Allah knows. It was just over a year ago when you were running for the Presidency of the US, you did not even know the name of this humble servant of Allah. As far as you were concerned, this khadim was only some general who had taken power in Pakistan.

Thanks be to Allah and His Holy Prophet (Peace be upon him) for the day that changed our relationship, and the world, forever. And, what can be dearer to a man than the friendship of the most powerful man on this earth.

Dear George, I thank you with all my heart for your kind welcome and grand reception that you arranged for me during my visit to your wonderful country, your esteemed capital and the lunch in your private quarters upstairs in the White House. I cannot even come close to describe my gratitude for the trust you have placed in me and our friendship, a clear indication of which was when you singled me out in your State of the Union address to the joint session of your Congress. How many people have had such honor? In contrast, how can I forget the humiliation and deep sorrow that I felt when your predecessor visited our country and refused to even shake our hand? He distrusted us so much that he came incognito with a decoy plane.

Dear George, I will apprise you of some of the thoughts I have regarding what we discussed in our meetings -- specially about this Pearl guy. We feel sorry about his alleged death but that is the Will Of Allah.

We are getting more and more convinced that the whole affair of alleged kidnapping and murder of this Pearl guy was the devious plot hatched by of our deceitful and cunning neighbor. You are new to this business but we have known them for millennia, ever since the dawn of humanity, to be more precise. After all, we share the same ancestry.

This Saeed guy, some years ago, allegedly kidnapped four Westerners in the capital of our neighbor and then moved them to a remote town, out of sight of the media. The media can be quite brutal in their country because they have no regard for authority or the government. Well that is their nature. Then after a few days the police raided their hideout, freed the hostages and arrested this Saeed guy and other alleged accomplices. There can be no doubt that their secret agencies must have hatched the whole plot otherwise how could they have found out where this Saeed guy was keeping them in captivity. We have one of the best police force in the world, and we have not been able to find the alleged kidnappers of this Pearl guy -- that is until this Saeed guy turned himself over to one of our former top intelligence operatives. As a matter of fact we have not been able to locate twenty other people also who our neighbor demands, even after their having given us their home addresses, telephone numbers, and even their passport numbers allegedly issued by our own government.

Coming back to our story, in a clever plot, our neighbors got the good publicity of releasing the Western hostages and at the same time they put this Saeed guy in jail so that they can train him for future devious purposes for the sole reason of defaming our "land of the pure". Such is their hatred.

Then when a few years had passed, the matters had cooled down and the world forgot all about alleged kidnapping, it seems our neighbor arranged to highjack a plane from the tiny nation of Nepal -- a nation that is fully dependent on this bully and devious neighbor of ours. It is a matter of common sense, who else could have the clout with the tiny nation of Nepal to arrange such an act. The highjacking must have been a drama for the sole purpose of seeking release of three persons trained in jail so that they can later be used to create trouble in Pakistan -- "the land of the pure". If that was not the purpose, why would have our neighbor sent their high government official -- the foreign minister to accompany this Saeed guy, Maulala Masood Azhar and another person whose name I cannot remember just now. The only purpose was to make sure that these people are properly conducted to Afghanistan, from where they can find their way into Pakistan and lie low till time came to carry out the orders for which they were trained in our neighbor's jail.

There are many other 'facts' that we shall not go into right now. We don't want to take up too much of your time. We know you have responsibility to run the whole world. So we shall cut the narrative short and cover only the salient points.

It looks when this Pearl guy into came Pakistan under the excuse of being a journalist, and it is quite possible that he was sent by our neighbor, after all he was living in their country at the time. As planned long time ago when he was in jail, this Saeed guy went into action and allegedly kidnapped this Pearl guy.

In spite of all the efforts of our police and other agencies, we could not find him unless he himself delivered to one of our officials. How can one doubt that this must have been done on the orders of his operatives from across the border? By the way, it must have slipped my mind to mention that this Saeed guy was in our custody when I came to see you in Washington. I was not trying to hide anything from you. I was just so excited by our new-found friendship -- like a little boy getting his dream toy.

Now, one more issue that you have asked us to look into and that is the extradition of this guy Saeed to USA. We can understand your desire to put him on trial there. Even though the whole episode was, most likely stage managed by our devious neighbor, but still we have to take care of the mess left by them. And also under no circumstances would we like to damage our friendship which we cherish so much. But that creates a big problem for us. Ours is a "modern, progressive Islamic State". As you know very well we value human rights and hence we cannot go against our archaic Holy Islamic laws which were revealed by Allah Almighty Himself for all times to come and for all people. We are told by our Ulema that according to these laws we cannot put a Muslim to death for killing an infidel -- that is if it is found that this Saeed guy really killed Pearl guy.

But we are sure, with our desire to have long lasting friendly relations between our two progressive, tolerant and secular nations, we shall find a way that will be acceptable to our Allah-Fearing Mullahs. As you know I have my political compulsions to keep them happy otherwise they will come after my blood and your khadim will be overthrown. Then there will be only two alternatives: the God-Fearing Mullahs might take over imposing Taliban type Al-Qaeda rule or this "land of the pure" might again be thrown into the hands of corrupt politicians who might impose the curse of democracy which, as I mentioned in the beginning, I so craftily demolished while in the air with only a short supply of fuel left.

I have complete trust in your wisdom and I am sure you would do what I think is best for me.

Khuda Hafiz.

Mushy

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